Mall Walking. The Next Front Porch.

Back in the day, families use to sit out on their front porches to stay cool during the long, lazy summer months. Fans fanning and lemonade being drunk, families were pretty much forced into community with each other, their neighbors and passers-by. And then the invention of air conditioning changed our world forever.

Beyond obvious things like being able to sleep without needing to relocate to the crawl space, the air conditioner actually changed how we interact. No longer was it necessary to sit on the porch, so no longer was it a reality to spend large amounts of time with family and friends. Think about it. If you sat outside on your front stoop, how many people would stop and sit for a spell?

Eyeballs & Jawbreakers

I went with my husband to his eye appointment on Saturday. His provider happens to be located in our local mall. His appointment, however, started before the stores in the mall were open and we were early enough that his doctor wasn't even open. I can honestly say that I've not been in the mall when it's closed but what a fascinating experience.

As we sat on a little bench outside the doctor's office, I spied a giant carnival of candy dispensers. Something they hide down the side corridors to get one last quarter out of parents on their way out, I suspect. Then, I noticed wedged between the Lemonheads and Giant Jawbreakers was a Grande Starbucks something-er-other. After wishing I had a Starbucks, I thought, "What slob left their trash there?" I got my answer 3 minutes later when a collection of mall walkers glided by and one yoga-pant-clad women peeled away from the group to take a swig of her coffee. I was mortified and impressed all at the same time.

And then more walkers went by. Couples. Groups of men. Groups of women. But they all had one thing in common (other than their amazing ability to get up early on a Saturday to exercise), they were in animated conversations with each other. Community was happening right before my very eyes. One lap at a time. They looked like seasoned veterans and I was left thinking how spectacular it was that these people had inverted the air conditioning conundrum. They had come in from the cold and created community. And it made me think there was hope for us yet. If this handful of people can find a new front porch in the mall, I bet we all can find new front porches! Where's yours?

Starbucks Moment #164

If you're wondering where the first 163 Starbucks moments are recorded, you'll have to invite me to coffee. Actually, I haven't written them all down, but as I've been a gold club member since 2008 I figure I've had at least that many moments and probably more like 1633.

I was happily working at my seventeenth office (the Starbucks on Monument Circle). And as is bound to happen, a man in Colt's gear sat at the bar beside me. Well, it IS play-off weekend.

As I packed up my stuff to go, he asked if I was a writer.

A funny question, I thought.

I said, "No, why do you ask?"

Thinking he would comment on my typing speed or the book sitting next to me. His response surprised me.

He said, "Oh, I don't know. You just seem kind of, well, content. Happy."

I was taken aback. "Really?" I must have looked very perplexed, so he reframed his comment by saying, "Just the way you were working, your movements and thoughtfulness. You seem content." I smiled,  thanked him for the kind words and said that I was quite happy.

As I walked out of the Starbucks I had two distinct responses.

First, a big thank you to God for putting that man in my path today. I've spent the better part of a couple of months wondering if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, professionally speaking. Am I equipped? Was all the soul searching over the past few years a lie? And my personal favorite...what are people going to think if I decide I'm not really doing what I'm supposed to be doing? In my heart I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. But north of there, I have had constant doubts swirling. The words that man spoke wholly confirmed for my head what my heart seems to already know.

Second, a sense of tingling curiosity. Why was I giving off an aura of contentment and energy? As I unpacked that on my drive home, I came up with this:

• Contribution - I spent the previous evening adding analytics code to a client's website and watching the results come in. I am excited to be helping one of my current clients achieve their goals.
• Education - I had just come from a 3-hour kick off meeting with a new client. I got a chance to learn about their company, their products, their team and their vision for the future. I was totally jazzed to be included and trusted.
• Collaboration - I was on my way to meet a creative team with whom I'm going to be working. The anticipation of experiencing a new environment, building relationships and creating something together made me giddy.

I have a lot more unpacking to do as the baggage I have clearly isn't carry-on size. But, thanks Mr. Starbucks! My investment is really seeing returns!

My 3 Words - 2014 Edition

This is my fourth year in the "3 Words" world. Chris Brogan talks a lot about selecting three words with which to theme the year. Instead of a list of resolutions that will surely be broken by January 15, finding three words or themes for the year provide a fluidity to life with a some basis for grounded decision making.

I selected three words for the first time in 2011 - connect, share, ship. 

In 2012, my words were breathe, flow, move. 

I struggled with my three words in 2013, but in the end courage, improv and decisive led to some amazing, life changing things. To sum up 2013, I mustered up the courage to leave my job to start my own company - a decision my husband will tell you I've wrestled with for years. And one of the highlights of my personal growth was a series of improv classes. Man, is it hard to say, "yes and," to be exactly in the moment, listen well and respond to the action directly in front of you. Good lessons for life, not just for improv class.

Fractal with recursive drawing. www.matthewjamestaylor.com

Because I so warmly embraced my husband's addition of decisive to my word list for 2013 (read with a hint of sarcasm), I thought for 2014 I would reach out to my Facebook community and see what words they might offer me. I got some great suggestions and after much thought, here are my words for 2014:

Create : I have a studio full of art supplies and at times an endless supply of ideas. But I also have an irrational fear of starting new projects especially if they don't come to me as assignments. So, this year is the year I will create just to create - and I won't judge myself on the time spent, the nobility of purpose or the outcome.

Temple - In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul asks: 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body."

If I really believed that my physical body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, would I make different choices about what I put into it and how I use it? And so, this year I will learn more about this "body as a temple" directive and see where it leads me.

Edit - At first, it seemed a bit counterintuitive for both 'create' and 'edit' to have a place on the list. But I am feeling deeply called to both. Sometimes I can't create because I haven't edited the unnecessary, the clutter, the extraneous thoughts that stop the creative process. I'm excited to see where this paradox takes me in 2014. After all, the Master prunes back even the branches that bear fruit so that they may bear even more fruit.

Here's to a fruitful 2014! Love to hear what your words are for the year!

Empty Office. Full Heart.

A 12-year relationship changed on a Friday afternoon in May. I resigned my position at Fusion Alliance as the VP of Digital Solutions and Marketing to start my own firm. It was a good 12 years and looking back I wished I had written more about it, but I didn't. So, here are a few gems that rattled around in my head as I was leaving the office on that Friday afternoon with the last car-full of books, gadgets and memories:

(1) Be courageous. As I was taking down my "found object" cork board in my office, I found a magnet that said "Do the thing you think you cannot do." Do it, because you can do it. Believe in yourself, do an appropriate level of planning (you'd have to ask my husband how much is "appropriate" because we have two very different scales) and then push forward. In the past several weeks since pushing forward, I've had beautiful conversations, received sweet encouragement, met new people and found some healthier rhythms. And the best part...being courageous isn't something I can check off my to-do list. It's something I get to keep doing every day.

(2) Be open. While I certainly have a vision and aspirations for my new company, the co-creation of the story up to this point has been quite a trip. It's true that two heads are better than one and I would offer that, at times, 10 are better than two. It has taken me a measure of humility to admit that I'm not 100% sure where I'm headed and that I need help. But what has come of telling people my story, being open to their input and accepting their offers to help has opened my mind up to a world of possibilities that I'm certain I wouldn't have found on my own. And you can ask my executive coach, but it takes a good 2 to 3 years for some ideas to sink into my head so I'm grateful that so many people are in this with me for the long haul.

(3) Be awesome. I have several good friends who are awesome. And they help other people (like me) be awesome too. The coolest part about striving to be awesome is that it attracts awesome - people who inspire and want you to be inspired, people who have deep passions and want you to be passionate, people who see things in a whole new light and want you to see things differently too. So I'll continue to strive for awesomeness and know that on the days that I'm barely able to be present that the other awesome people in the world will hold it together for all of us (and I'll do the same for them).

There are so many things, people and experiences to be grateful for over the last 12 years. And while I left an empty office, I have a full heart. What a blessing to have so many courageous, open and awesome people cheering me on! Thanks for everything!

A Parable of Bert the Bat

It was on a beautiful Saturday afternoon that I met Bert as I was putting away garden tools. Much to my surprise (and fear), I saw him hanging next to the wooden workbench in our garage. Our garage! A bat! IN OUR GARAGE!

I'm generally a "live and let live" kind of person when it comes to creepy, crawly, furry, funny creatures. But I was not completely comfortable with a bat hanging in my garage. But I was less comfortable with the thought of poking the little guy and having him flap his bat-wings in my face on the way out of the garage. So I left him alone.

Facebook feedback from knowledgeable bat-lovers let me know that Bert may be endangered and that I shouldn't move him. That he was hibernating but would leave when he wakes up. And that when he woke up, he and his bat-friends would help keep the insect population down.

But after weeks of watching Bert hang in his stoic sleep I began to wonder if his sleep was, actually, lifeless. So, I sent one of my aforementioned bat-loving friends into the garage to investigate. The sad report was that Bert was dead. And had been for some time.

As I was plucking Bert off the wall with my long handled bat-remover (also known as a trash picker) the following Saturday, it struck me as funny. Not that Bert was dead, but what an interesting range of emotions I experienced over what was ultimately a dead animal. I feared him. I worked to get over that fear. I spent time checking on him. I worried about him so much that I had to get a friend involved to assess his health. And it got me thinking...what things occupy the garages of my life that I waste  energy and emotion on? And how many of those things are already dead and should just be plucked off the wall and left in the woods outside my life?

My 3 Words - 2013 Edition

This is my third year in the "3 Words" world. Chris Brogan talks a lot about selecting three words with which to theme the year. Instead of a list of resolutions that will surely be broken by January 15, finding three words or themes for the year provide a fluidity to life with a some basis for grounded decision making.

I selected three words for the first time in 2011 - connect, share, ship. These words impacted my behavior and resulted in some fascinating experiences that I may take the time to blog about some day. In 2012, my words were breathe, flow, move. And 2012 turned out to be a wonderful year to let go a bit more, pick my battles more carefully and spend more time filling my heart with ideas.

And so, I thougtht I would be addressing 2013 with fresh confidence and vigor. Instead, I struggled with my three words. The first one, Courage, came very easily. The second word was forced and subsquently thrown out, but not before my husband gave me my third word - Decisive. Not shortly after being called to be more decisive, did I change my second word to Improv. See why:

Courage - My 2012 Steve Jobs wall calendar exclaimed to me,"Have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." So in 2013 I will have the courage to take steps I need to take - over, around or through the roadblocks I or others may put in my way.

Improv - Not 'improve' although I hope to always be doing that. Improv as in Improvisational Theater where most of the action is created at the moment it is performed, with little or no pre-planning. For me, the key is being in the moment and building upon it. It's about 'Yes and' instead of 'No because'. This will be quite a stretch for me.

Decisive - My husband very quickly came to my aid with this word when I told him I was struggling. And I struggled with taking on someone else's interpretation of my words, even though my husband knows me better than anyone else. So in the car one dark morning on the way to work, I embraced this word and it is the one I believe will challenge me the most. I want to continue to see the possibilities and arrange the pieces, but most of all I want to make concrete decisions, lead boldly and from a place of honesty.

I would love to hear your three words if you have them. And would certainly welcome you inquiring about mine throughout the year.

Ski = Breathe + Smile

Dream Book Entry: 07.24.10 Downhill Ski
I started a dream book a few years back to capture my ideas about how to suck the marrow out of life. I had read the Dream Manager and used its' dream categories as a catalyst. Interestingly, the Adventure dream category has the most items. On July 24, 2010 I added downhill skiing to my adventure list and on January 15, 2012 my husband and I hit the slopes of Vail for the first time.

Ski School Graduates
When I envisioned skiing on a real mountain, I underestimated just exactly how tall and steep real mountains are. I had been to Colorado in my youth, but obviously my childhood memories hadn't contemplated flying down those hills with carbon fiber slats on my feet. And to amplify my surprise, it was pointed out that I was only seeing the bottom third of the mountain. Huh.

Fortunately, our ski-savvy friends suggested I apply to ski school and acquaint myself with the mountain under the tutelage of an experienced instructor. So I spent my first three days in ski school learning how to traverse the slopes with the grace and ease of a frozen, overweight giraffe. The details of ski school warrant their own blog, but suffice it to say that I graduated with the basics: proper form (shoulders facing downhill, body leaning forward over skis), speed control (wide turning radius=slower speed) and stopping (if all else fails, snowplow).

Sometimes the Basics Are More Basic
It was the last day of ski school when we had begun to tackle larger sections of the mountain and upgraded to some blue slopes that I realized the best form was no substitute for the simplicity of breathing. At the end of each perpendicular cut across the slope, I was faced with the reality of having to turn - body and skis facing full out down the hill - in order to continue to the bottom of the run. It was in those moments, that a deep breath was the perfect form. As I learned, breathing relaxes the muscles, shifts focus and engenders a feeling of confidence (albeit short lived). As I ventured out to ski alone later in the week, I was able to find a beautiful, balanced skiing rhythm - breathe, turn, breathe, turn - and I felt powerful and free.

It was during my second solo run that I thought, "This is fun! I should smile!" Not because anyone could see me smile under 17 layers of fleece and gortex, but because it changed my attitude from grunting determination not to fall (again) to grateful appreciation - of the beauty of God's creation, the opportunity to check something off my dream list and the surprise of finding yet another activity my husband and I can enjoy. Oh, and did I mention, it's stinking FUN!

Skiing Is Still On My List
My skiing adventure is not over. While it might be checked off my dream list as a point-in-time activity, the experience taught me a bit about myself and about life. I get a little scared sometimes, but not paralyzed from action. I'm patient to a point, but won't let my forward progress be stalled by others. I recognize I have limits, but don't shy away from the challenge to push past them. So, I've checked "Downhill ski" from my dream list, but added it to my list of lifelong interests and plan to ski again some day soon.