My 3 Words - 2021 Edition

 If I'm being honest, right at this moment I'm typing this post in the paradox of being excited about 2021 and weary from the past couple of years. I have always found value in thinking through themes I want to appear during my next year. I set goals too, but the words fit my need to have freedom and yet control at the same time. So here it goes for 2021. (check out my words from last year, if you want to).

This year, my three words are inspired by books that I have put at the top of my reading (or re-reading) list.

Create - This theme has shown up numerous times throughout my past even before my three words were a thing. I have always found it easier to put performance ahead of creating. I have suffered from procrastination and the feeling of being a counterfeit creator - wondering what value my creations have or if they in fact have value outside of me. So, this year I'm reading The War of Art by Pressfield in an effort to study my resistance to creating and be inspired to create.

Peace - While I know where my peace comes from, I don't intentionally cultivate peace. I'm expanding my reading of McManus' works including The Way of the Warrior - a book that is a "call to decisiveness, self-examination, and the pursuit of spiritual wholeness. I've done a short study of writings from this book and found every paragraph inspiring and deeply challenging.

Celebration - I desire daily celebration and the call to be present every moment I'm given. I've read the book Celebration of Disciplines by Richard Foster multiple times but rarely followed the practices for any substantial amount of time. I brushed off my copy of this book from a book study (back in the day) and look forward to reacquainting myself to these sacred practices ending 2021 with a chapter on Celebration as a discipline.

My Three Words - 2020 Edition

I can't put into words how I feel about being able to write my 3 words for 2020. 2019 was quite a year and I'm entering 2020 with a hope and energy that is both renewed and just discovered already within myself. My words for 2019 were meaningful and yet not as impactful as they could have been if I'd not been distracted by life. Going into 2020, I'm drawing on two words that have been close to my heart for a few years but have not made my list for some reason. And, of course, because I'm an enneagram 7 I had to include something new too!

Here are my words for 2020:

Freedom

I love my freedom or conversely I don't much care for being told what I can and cannot do. I recently listened to a great podcast that described how our modern day thinking is still influenced by Augustine's philosophy that dates back to late 300AD. One thing they discuss is the difference between "freedom from" vs "freedom for". As an American especially, I really embraced the "freedom from" perspective...as in I don't have to do what you tell me to because I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want and how I want. But the power of "freedom for" is so much more compelling, once I understood it. Because I have freedom, I can have so much more growth and impact by limiting myself to things I have "freedom for"...guardrails as it were...all things are permissable but not all things are beneficial. In 2020, I will look for guardrails and operate within constraints in an effort to maximize my freedom for posture.

Connection

When I first did work to come up with my "one word" I wasn't able to choose just one. Ironic in light of my previous word. However, I've always loved the paradox of having freedom and connection at the same time. And since, connection is one of my top 5 strengths it makes sense to intentionally build deeper, meaningful connections with people in 2020. 

Single-Tasking

My last word for 2020 is single-tasking. As you might suspect, it is the opposite of multi-tasking. This will be a difficult adjustment for me and I acknowledge it early on. Most of the time, I have at least two things going on in my minute-by-minute activities. Work a puzzle while a movie is playing on my iPad. Writing emails while listening to Pandora. Typing this post while watching college football. It is a rare moment when I'm doing only one thing especially if it's something that can be done in silence. And so, in 2020, I will look for ways to incorporate single-tasking into my daily life in effort to be present and focused on those around me (and hopefully my spelling will improve).


For a refresher, you can read Chris Brogan's overview of how the three words works. 

My Three Words - 2019 Edition

2018 was a whirlwind with some of the most surreal, out of body experiences I have ever had. Perhaps the most indescribable year of my life so far. And my words for 2018 were spot on. For a refresher, you can read Chris Brogan's overview of how the three words works. 

Here are my words for 2019:

Peace

I will actively seek opportunities to experience peace. And not peace that I attempt to manufacture, but the peace that comes from my Creator. I want to experience peace with my whole being. That means I need to consistently acknowledge that peace is within my grasp and embrace it.

Pace

Part of experiencing peace for me is directly correlated to the pace of my life. 2018 taught me that I actually do go a mile a minute. Or did. But my circumstances in the past 9 months have shown me a new, slower, more valuable pace of life. A pace that creates space for deep friendships, hearing God speak, and sitting with the hard things of life. In 2019, I will intentionally live at a pace that creates space for the meaningful things of this life.

Practice

The things in life that bring the deepest joy and richest connection require practice. They do not happen by accident (usually). In 2019, I look forward to deepening new practices in tai chi, yoga, meditation and centering prayer as well as discovering new practices that draw me closer to my Creator, my family and my tribe.

As an enneagram 7, I love planning and looking forward to new things. But I'm looking forward to 2019 through a different lens that is the direct result of my journey in 2018. I hope that you're looking forward to 2019 as well!

My Three Words - 2018 Edition

It's stunning just how fast each year goes by and yet also how slowly. For a refresher, you can read Chris Brogan's overview of how the three words works and see what his words are for this year. When I first started the '3 words' thing, I used to take the whole month of December to let words rattle around in my brain until they felt right. Maybe it's age or the fact that this past holiday season has had it's share of change, but I've settled on three words which came quickly and stuck. So here they are:

Fix

Initially, this word settled on my because there are many things in my life that need work. But really, it's about fixing my eyes on the One who sustains me, cares for me and loves me at my most unlovable. And through that relationship, hopefully some things will be mended and I'll be anchored more firmly in myself - rather than the alternative (according to Websters) of finding myself in difficult predicaments or leaning on the next dose of whatever distracts me.

Reflect

I frequently note my need to slow down, make space and think more deeply. This word is that but it's also the idea of letting love and kindness and goodness show through me to others. Living less out of my need for self control and creature comforts. Living more into the world and offering it the good that is in me.

Ship (which is very similar to "finish" from last year)

I was struck by the phrase "deliver don't doubt" and know that many times I don't finish or ship work because I doubt its' value, my value. This year I will embrace the imperfect in myself, my work and my world because it can't be perfect anyway so why get my panties in a bunch? Besides, I don't know how someone will respond to my offering in whatever state of its' imperfection. Like these sentences which no doubt have poor grammar and improper punctuation, but hey my 3 words are out there in the world even if their story is less than perfect!

Bonus Word: Purple!

Because it's the color of the year. And that's reason enough to celebrate!

My Three Words - 2017 Edition

2017 welcomes yet another year picking 3 theme words for the year. This may be the longest I've done anything besides enjoying an occasionally regular Starbucks (okay go ahead and laugh now). For a refresher, you can read Chris Brogan's overview of how the three words works and see what his words are for this year.

And this year I followed a lot of links about goals, mindsets, habits and the like. I found some articles about naming intentions and noticed that my intentions connected to my 3 words - I wrote out intentions first. So here are my 3 words AND my 3 intentions.

Celebration

There are many things to be thankful for. Even in the hard things, if I look closely enough there are beautiful moments. In 2017, I will seek to celebrate things big and small. But especially the small every-day situations, conversations, sadnesses and luxuries in an effort to be present in the moment not worried about tomorrow or dwelling on yesterday.

I intend to live to live in gratitude for all that I have and all that I am, allowing joy an love to fill my heart and positive energy to fill my body.

Space

As in 'the final frontier'. Sort of. I do not allow for space in my life. It’s a bit how I’m wired and I’m comfortable with that. But it’s also a bit how I hide and I’m not so comfortable with that. I like to experience new things, travel different places, meet new people. In fact, if you read my enneagram I’m the type of person who is likely planning her next vacation while happily sitting on a cruise ship deck or touring the Sydney Opera House. And so not only does that make it difficult to say no to things, it means I actually seek out non-stop experiences. Space, therefore, seems like the final frontier. Somewhere I’ve not explored and honestly have been a bit afraid to. In 2017, I’ll proactively create space, silence, solitude and hold open the possibility that absolutely nothing might happen there. Or something might. Who knows.

I intend to see God at work around me, in me and through me so that my vision for my life and the world might expand.

Finish

You can tell by my house that I am a starter of things. Quilts. Laundry. Meals. And in my work. Projects. Organizational methods. To do lists. But you can also tell that finishing things is not a strong suit. And while I’m typically more interested in improving my skills and gifting rather that working on my weaknesses, this is one area that I universally feel compelled to address. I’m not trying to finish everything for that would be madness. But I do want to finish the important things. So this word is about listening for the important things and finishing them well. Even if that means delegation.

I intend to live into my Creator’s gifting to me, celebrating the good, pruning the harmful and being the most effective version of myself.

My Three Words - 2016 Edition

2016 welcomes yet another year picking 3 theme words for the year. This may be the longest I've done anything besides enjoying an occasionally regular Starbucks (okay go ahead and laugh now). For a refresher, you can read Chris Brogan's overview of how the three words works and see what his words are for this year.

In 2015, mine were Confidence, Intention and Temple. Here are mine for 2016.

Temple - In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul asks: 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body."

So I'm just getting it out of the way first because I've held this word for what will now be three years, but it has not let go of me yet. It is going into 2016 that I have some disciplines in place to truly discover, reflect and understand this part of myself. Grateful for the journey with this word up until now and excited to see what 2016 looks like.

Present - To often I find myself wishing the present was passed so I could continue on with what I anticipate to be a brighter, more interesting future. Instead, I want to be present in the present. Mindful and intentional with this exact moment that I might experience it to the fullest and build it into my memory.

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Joy - Anne Frank said, "I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains." Joy, like love, is a choice. In 2016, I choose joy.

And there you have it: temple, mindful and joy. Looking forward to 2016!

My Three Words - 2015 Edition

A group of wonderful young ladies I mentor took up a "one word" challenge this year and in a few short days I will get to hear the word they've picked for their year. In thinking about my one word, I decided I wasn't ready to pass up my fifth year in the "3 Words" world. Chris Brogan talks a lot about selecting three words with which to theme the year. So instead of one, I give you my three words for 2015.

Confidence - In Philippians 1, we hear:

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Over the years, I have absorbed words like "arrogant, unbending, over-powering" and others that have left me apologetic and quiet more times than I'd like to admit. Instead, I want to see God carry on His good work in me and develop a new, refined voice of confidence to speak the truth, build others up and press into difficult situations when they arise.

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Intention - Webster has a few definitions for this word and two really spoke to me: (1) a determination to act a certain way and (2) process of healing incised wounds. I want to live each day with intention, moving decidedly from one God-ordained interaction to another both in flesh and in spirit. Reflection has also revealed some deep wounds, clean cuts inflicted by others and there is intentional work that needs to be done to further the healing.

My final word follows me from last year. I'm honestly not even sure what it looks like to grasp this word and so I feel strongly that it should be explored more deeply in 2015.

Temple - In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul asks: 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body."

If I really believed that my physical body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, would I make different choices about what I put into it and how I use it? And so, this year I will learn more about this "body as a temple" directive and see where it leads me.

And there you have it: confidence, intention and temple. Looking forward to 2015!

Mall Walking. The Next Front Porch.

Back in the day, families use to sit out on their front porches to stay cool during the long, lazy summer months. Fans fanning and lemonade being drunk, families were pretty much forced into community with each other, their neighbors and passers-by. And then the invention of air conditioning changed our world forever.

Beyond obvious things like being able to sleep without needing to relocate to the crawl space, the air conditioner actually changed how we interact. No longer was it necessary to sit on the porch, so no longer was it a reality to spend large amounts of time with family and friends. Think about it. If you sat outside on your front stoop, how many people would stop and sit for a spell?

Eyeballs & Jawbreakers

I went with my husband to his eye appointment on Saturday. His provider happens to be located in our local mall. His appointment, however, started before the stores in the mall were open and we were early enough that his doctor wasn't even open. I can honestly say that I've not been in the mall when it's closed but what a fascinating experience.

As we sat on a little bench outside the doctor's office, I spied a giant carnival of candy dispensers. Something they hide down the side corridors to get one last quarter out of parents on their way out, I suspect. Then, I noticed wedged between the Lemonheads and Giant Jawbreakers was a Grande Starbucks something-er-other. After wishing I had a Starbucks, I thought, "What slob left their trash there?" I got my answer 3 minutes later when a collection of mall walkers glided by and one yoga-pant-clad women peeled away from the group to take a swig of her coffee. I was mortified and impressed all at the same time.

And then more walkers went by. Couples. Groups of men. Groups of women. But they all had one thing in common (other than their amazing ability to get up early on a Saturday to exercise), they were in animated conversations with each other. Community was happening right before my very eyes. One lap at a time. They looked like seasoned veterans and I was left thinking how spectacular it was that these people had inverted the air conditioning conundrum. They had come in from the cold and created community. And it made me think there was hope for us yet. If this handful of people can find a new front porch in the mall, I bet we all can find new front porches! Where's yours?

Starbucks Moment #164

If you're wondering where the first 163 Starbucks moments are recorded, you'll have to invite me to coffee. Actually, I haven't written them all down, but as I've been a gold club member since 2008 I figure I've had at least that many moments and probably more like 1633.

I was happily working at my seventeenth office (the Starbucks on Monument Circle). And as is bound to happen, a man in Colt's gear sat at the bar beside me. Well, it IS play-off weekend.

As I packed up my stuff to go, he asked if I was a writer.

A funny question, I thought.

I said, "No, why do you ask?"

Thinking he would comment on my typing speed or the book sitting next to me. His response surprised me.

He said, "Oh, I don't know. You just seem kind of, well, content. Happy."

I was taken aback. "Really?" I must have looked very perplexed, so he reframed his comment by saying, "Just the way you were working, your movements and thoughtfulness. You seem content." I smiled,  thanked him for the kind words and said that I was quite happy.

As I walked out of the Starbucks I had two distinct responses.

First, a big thank you to God for putting that man in my path today. I've spent the better part of a couple of months wondering if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, professionally speaking. Am I equipped? Was all the soul searching over the past few years a lie? And my personal favorite...what are people going to think if I decide I'm not really doing what I'm supposed to be doing? In my heart I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. But north of there, I have had constant doubts swirling. The words that man spoke wholly confirmed for my head what my heart seems to already know.

Second, a sense of tingling curiosity. Why was I giving off an aura of contentment and energy? As I unpacked that on my drive home, I came up with this:

• Contribution - I spent the previous evening adding analytics code to a client's website and watching the results come in. I am excited to be helping one of my current clients achieve their goals.
• Education - I had just come from a 3-hour kick off meeting with a new client. I got a chance to learn about their company, their products, their team and their vision for the future. I was totally jazzed to be included and trusted.
• Collaboration - I was on my way to meet a creative team with whom I'm going to be working. The anticipation of experiencing a new environment, building relationships and creating something together made me giddy.

I have a lot more unpacking to do as the baggage I have clearly isn't carry-on size. But, thanks Mr. Starbucks! My investment is really seeing returns!

My 3 Words - 2014 Edition

This is my fourth year in the "3 Words" world. Chris Brogan talks a lot about selecting three words with which to theme the year. Instead of a list of resolutions that will surely be broken by January 15, finding three words or themes for the year provide a fluidity to life with a some basis for grounded decision making.

I selected three words for the first time in 2011 - connect, share, ship. 

In 2012, my words were breathe, flow, move. 

I struggled with my three words in 2013, but in the end courage, improv and decisive led to some amazing, life changing things. To sum up 2013, I mustered up the courage to leave my job to start my own company - a decision my husband will tell you I've wrestled with for years. And one of the highlights of my personal growth was a series of improv classes. Man, is it hard to say, "yes and," to be exactly in the moment, listen well and respond to the action directly in front of you. Good lessons for life, not just for improv class.

Fractal with recursive drawing. www.matthewjamestaylor.com

Because I so warmly embraced my husband's addition of decisive to my word list for 2013 (read with a hint of sarcasm), I thought for 2014 I would reach out to my Facebook community and see what words they might offer me. I got some great suggestions and after much thought, here are my words for 2014:

Create : I have a studio full of art supplies and at times an endless supply of ideas. But I also have an irrational fear of starting new projects especially if they don't come to me as assignments. So, this year is the year I will create just to create - and I won't judge myself on the time spent, the nobility of purpose or the outcome.

Temple - In 1 Corinthians 6, Paul asks: 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body."

If I really believed that my physical body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, would I make different choices about what I put into it and how I use it? And so, this year I will learn more about this "body as a temple" directive and see where it leads me.

Edit - At first, it seemed a bit counterintuitive for both 'create' and 'edit' to have a place on the list. But I am feeling deeply called to both. Sometimes I can't create because I haven't edited the unnecessary, the clutter, the extraneous thoughts that stop the creative process. I'm excited to see where this paradox takes me in 2014. After all, the Master prunes back even the branches that bear fruit so that they may bear even more fruit.

Here's to a fruitful 2014! Love to hear what your words are for the year!

Empty Office. Full Heart.

A 12-year relationship changed on a Friday afternoon in May. I resigned my position at Fusion Alliance as the VP of Digital Solutions and Marketing to start my own firm. It was a good 12 years and looking back I wished I had written more about it, but I didn't. So, here are a few gems that rattled around in my head as I was leaving the office on that Friday afternoon with the last car-full of books, gadgets and memories:

(1) Be courageous. As I was taking down my "found object" cork board in my office, I found a magnet that said "Do the thing you think you cannot do." Do it, because you can do it. Believe in yourself, do an appropriate level of planning (you'd have to ask my husband how much is "appropriate" because we have two very different scales) and then push forward. In the past several weeks since pushing forward, I've had beautiful conversations, received sweet encouragement, met new people and found some healthier rhythms. And the best part...being courageous isn't something I can check off my to-do list. It's something I get to keep doing every day.

(2) Be open. While I certainly have a vision and aspirations for my new company, the co-creation of the story up to this point has been quite a trip. It's true that two heads are better than one and I would offer that, at times, 10 are better than two. It has taken me a measure of humility to admit that I'm not 100% sure where I'm headed and that I need help. But what has come of telling people my story, being open to their input and accepting their offers to help has opened my mind up to a world of possibilities that I'm certain I wouldn't have found on my own. And you can ask my executive coach, but it takes a good 2 to 3 years for some ideas to sink into my head so I'm grateful that so many people are in this with me for the long haul.

(3) Be awesome. I have several good friends who are awesome. And they help other people (like me) be awesome too. The coolest part about striving to be awesome is that it attracts awesome - people who inspire and want you to be inspired, people who have deep passions and want you to be passionate, people who see things in a whole new light and want you to see things differently too. So I'll continue to strive for awesomeness and know that on the days that I'm barely able to be present that the other awesome people in the world will hold it together for all of us (and I'll do the same for them).

There are so many things, people and experiences to be grateful for over the last 12 years. And while I left an empty office, I have a full heart. What a blessing to have so many courageous, open and awesome people cheering me on! Thanks for everything!

A Parable of Bert the Bat

It was on a beautiful Saturday afternoon that I met Bert as I was putting away garden tools. Much to my surprise (and fear), I saw him hanging next to the wooden workbench in our garage. Our garage! A bat! IN OUR GARAGE!

I'm generally a "live and let live" kind of person when it comes to creepy, crawly, furry, funny creatures. But I was not completely comfortable with a bat hanging in my garage. But I was less comfortable with the thought of poking the little guy and having him flap his bat-wings in my face on the way out of the garage. So I left him alone.

Facebook feedback from knowledgeable bat-lovers let me know that Bert may be endangered and that I shouldn't move him. That he was hibernating but would leave when he wakes up. And that when he woke up, he and his bat-friends would help keep the insect population down.

But after weeks of watching Bert hang in his stoic sleep I began to wonder if his sleep was, actually, lifeless. So, I sent one of my aforementioned bat-loving friends into the garage to investigate. The sad report was that Bert was dead. And had been for some time.

As I was plucking Bert off the wall with my long handled bat-remover (also known as a trash picker) the following Saturday, it struck me as funny. Not that Bert was dead, but what an interesting range of emotions I experienced over what was ultimately a dead animal. I feared him. I worked to get over that fear. I spent time checking on him. I worried about him so much that I had to get a friend involved to assess his health. And it got me thinking...what things occupy the garages of my life that I waste  energy and emotion on? And how many of those things are already dead and should just be plucked off the wall and left in the woods outside my life?

My 3 Words - 2013 Edition

This is my third year in the "3 Words" world. Chris Brogan talks a lot about selecting three words with which to theme the year. Instead of a list of resolutions that will surely be broken by January 15, finding three words or themes for the year provide a fluidity to life with a some basis for grounded decision making.

I selected three words for the first time in 2011 - connect, share, ship. These words impacted my behavior and resulted in some fascinating experiences that I may take the time to blog about some day. In 2012, my words were breathe, flow, move. And 2012 turned out to be a wonderful year to let go a bit more, pick my battles more carefully and spend more time filling my heart with ideas.

And so, I thougtht I would be addressing 2013 with fresh confidence and vigor. Instead, I struggled with my three words. The first one, Courage, came very easily. The second word was forced and subsquently thrown out, but not before my husband gave me my third word - Decisive. Not shortly after being called to be more decisive, did I change my second word to Improv. See why:

Courage - My 2012 Steve Jobs wall calendar exclaimed to me,"Have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." So in 2013 I will have the courage to take steps I need to take - over, around or through the roadblocks I or others may put in my way.

Improv - Not 'improve' although I hope to always be doing that. Improv as in Improvisational Theater where most of the action is created at the moment it is performed, with little or no pre-planning. For me, the key is being in the moment and building upon it. It's about 'Yes and' instead of 'No because'. This will be quite a stretch for me.

Decisive - My husband very quickly came to my aid with this word when I told him I was struggling. And I struggled with taking on someone else's interpretation of my words, even though my husband knows me better than anyone else. So in the car one dark morning on the way to work, I embraced this word and it is the one I believe will challenge me the most. I want to continue to see the possibilities and arrange the pieces, but most of all I want to make concrete decisions, lead boldly and from a place of honesty.

I would love to hear your three words if you have them. And would certainly welcome you inquiring about mine throughout the year.

Ski = Breathe + Smile

Dream Book Entry: 07.24.10 Downhill Ski
I started a dream book a few years back to capture my ideas about how to suck the marrow out of life. I had read the Dream Manager and used its' dream categories as a catalyst. Interestingly, the Adventure dream category has the most items. On July 24, 2010 I added downhill skiing to my adventure list and on January 15, 2012 my husband and I hit the slopes of Vail for the first time.

Ski School Graduates
When I envisioned skiing on a real mountain, I underestimated just exactly how tall and steep real mountains are. I had been to Colorado in my youth, but obviously my childhood memories hadn't contemplated flying down those hills with carbon fiber slats on my feet. And to amplify my surprise, it was pointed out that I was only seeing the bottom third of the mountain. Huh.

Fortunately, our ski-savvy friends suggested I apply to ski school and acquaint myself with the mountain under the tutelage of an experienced instructor. So I spent my first three days in ski school learning how to traverse the slopes with the grace and ease of a frozen, overweight giraffe. The details of ski school warrant their own blog, but suffice it to say that I graduated with the basics: proper form (shoulders facing downhill, body leaning forward over skis), speed control (wide turning radius=slower speed) and stopping (if all else fails, snowplow).

Sometimes the Basics Are More Basic
It was the last day of ski school when we had begun to tackle larger sections of the mountain and upgraded to some blue slopes that I realized the best form was no substitute for the simplicity of breathing. At the end of each perpendicular cut across the slope, I was faced with the reality of having to turn - body and skis facing full out down the hill - in order to continue to the bottom of the run. It was in those moments, that a deep breath was the perfect form. As I learned, breathing relaxes the muscles, shifts focus and engenders a feeling of confidence (albeit short lived). As I ventured out to ski alone later in the week, I was able to find a beautiful, balanced skiing rhythm - breathe, turn, breathe, turn - and I felt powerful and free.

It was during my second solo run that I thought, "This is fun! I should smile!" Not because anyone could see me smile under 17 layers of fleece and gortex, but because it changed my attitude from grunting determination not to fall (again) to grateful appreciation - of the beauty of God's creation, the opportunity to check something off my dream list and the surprise of finding yet another activity my husband and I can enjoy. Oh, and did I mention, it's stinking FUN!

Skiing Is Still On My List
My skiing adventure is not over. While it might be checked off my dream list as a point-in-time activity, the experience taught me a bit about myself and about life. I get a little scared sometimes, but not paralyzed from action. I'm patient to a point, but won't let my forward progress be stalled by others. I recognize I have limits, but don't shy away from the challenge to push past them. So, I've checked "Downhill ski" from my dream list, but added it to my list of lifelong interests and plan to ski again some day soon.

My 3 Words - 2012 Edition

Last year, I read a blog post by Chris Brogan about selecting three words with which to theme the year. Instead of a list of resolutions that will surely be broken by January 15, finding three words or themes for the year provide a fluidity to life with a some basis for grounded decision making.

I selected three words for the first time in 2011 - connect, share, ship. These words impacted my behavior and resulted in some fascinating experiences that I may take the time to blog about some day. But today is a day to look forward. To 2012. So, after much thought (okay, not really much thought because I'm more of an intuitive decision maker) I have selected my three words for 2012:

Breathe - I will breathe. In and out. In and out. Deeply. Thoughtfully. Meditating. Focusing. And when things get tense, as I'm sure they will, I will breathe. And I will not be the loudest contributor to the stress because I will stop to breathe. In and out. In and out. 

Flow - I will go with it. I will pick my battles and gain momentum in the things that are really important and not lose energy to the things that aren't. I will make a lasting, positive, beautiful impression in the places that I've been and people that I've encountered. Not a raging river cutting an aggressive path through the wilderness, but a strong, powerful, constant, positive force making it's own gentle path.

Move - Physically, emotionally and mentally. I will progress, not to the point where others think I should be, but to where I am called. I will take action and move from my "idea brain" to my "action brain" without fear of failure. I will find in each move what kind of person I am and what kind of potential I have.

For those of you who DON'T know me may read my three words and be unimpressed. How hard can it be, really, to breath and go with the flow and move. For those of you who DO know me, you understand just how high I've set my sights. And I appreciate in advance, your help in keeping me honest to my three words and supporting me as I live them.

The Sexiest Man Alive

You're probably thinking, "oh man, she's going to blog about her husband." Fortunately for you (and probably him too), I'm not - even though I think he is.

When standing in line at the grocery too long, I am prone to those spontaneous purchases that leave me wondering a few hours later why I spent 5 good dollars on 'fill in your favorite frivolous thing'. This week it was the Sexiest Man Alive issue of People magazine. I held my emotional purchase in check until I turned to the page that cast Mayhem as the Sexiest GPS Alive.

You know, Mayhem. The Allstate Insurance spokesman. The one that impersonates a raccoon, a blind spot and now the Sexiest GPS Alive. Yes, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. Not because I think he is the sexiest GPS ever (I'm still holding out for one that sounds like Sean Connery), but because I was drawn in by what our society considers sexy - great hair, piercing eyes, good grooming habits, lover of animals/the opposite sex/their mom.

Very little is mentioned of honor, integrity, honesty or a deep love of people. Not that the sexiest guys selected by People don't possess those qualities. They just aren't the qualities that make for stable editorial jobs. The whole notion of sexy is succiently summarized on the two-page spread that announces what sexy looks like at every age - from Tyler Posey (age 20) to Liam Neeson (age 59) and a face for every year in between.

And I'm left wondering if we really believe Mayhem's ad copy:
"He might not know where he's going. But we still want to ask for directions. Recalculating? Yes, please!"

Personally, I'd like to get directions from the one who knows the way.

Pack Light, Move Fast, Go In A Familiar Direction

I'm one of those people who remembers her dreams. You know, like my starring role in Arctic Alligators where mutant alligators have migrated to the snowy Canadian mountaintops sliding down the hills beneath the snow like Jaws skimming the ocean until the fateful moment that even the best skiers can't escape. That's normal, right? I mean the remembering my dreams part.

Anyway, when I'm struggling with something I often get insights from my dreams. I know volumes have been written on dream interpretation and I'm certainly no expert in the matter. In fact, other than figuring out what it means to dream about my teeth falling out (because that really did freak me out), I don't formally study the matter. Instead, I let my dreams speak into my intuition. I'd say call me crazy, but if you read the first paragraph, you'd already know that I am.

Since most of my dreams are crazy abstractions, the occasional realistic one really makes me take notice. So the other night, when I drempt I was in an abusive relationship it was startling. I never saw my abuser and I didn't have any visible marks. All I had was this internal drive to get away. And as I moved through my nocturnal environment, three things kept playing over and over in my mind: pack light, move fast and go in a familiar direction. It was the last part that felt like the answer I'd been waiting for.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to escape an abusive relationship. But I have felt very stuck in one area of my life for quite some time. And  I'm not necessarily following my dream's advice on any point. Yet. But there is freedom in giving myself permission to pack light and move fast. And it was a permission thing because I'm loyal to a fault, can be overly optimistic and bounce back with a vengance when people express doubt with my abilities. That by packing light, I don't have to carry burdens that aren't my own. And by moving fast, I'm not letting people down by not having a well thought-out plan that takes care of everyone else.

But the twist is to go in a familiar direction. When contemplating a life change, I am gripped with the fear of the unkown. And how unknown the unknown seemed. But it hadn't crossed my mind that I didn't have to go somewhere wholly unknown. I can go somewhere that is familiar but different. Wow. From a dream. Huh.

What's in Your Bag?

I've played softball since before I could walk. Okay, probably not that long. But when you're playing a championship softball game at midnight on a 'school' night and realize that some of the folks you've played with off and on for years are, in fact, 47 years old then you've played softball for a LONG time.

And when you've played that long, you grow very accustomed to your equipment - glove, batters glove, bat, etc. But for me, once I left the world of competitive fast pitch softball the one piece of equipment I've never grown accustomed to is my bat - or bats. I've carried two bats around in my bag for years, but was convinced that they weren't as good as my teammates' bats. So, for years I've used other people's bats leaving my sad-excuse-for-a-hitting-implement tucked safely away in my bag. I must have had a good reason for not using the bats that I own - like they don't hit well :) - but I can't remember.

Because of the amount of rain outs early this season, our champship games ended up being played in July, so a few of our bats were on vacation. As our team piled in the dugout, it became obvious that the beautiful, dirty orange bat that I usually use out of the office with no access to email. In fact, several of our bats decided to take a leave that week. I was faced with a choice. Roll the dice with a new, unknown bat or dig my two sluggers out of my bag.

Determined to use my own bat to make a stronger case for buying a new $300 powerhouse, I hung both my little, fast pitch bat and big, slugging slow pitch bat on the fence. Upon seeing my bats, one of my teammates literally commented on their vintage. Yeah, I know.

But you know what, I hit better that night with my big, slugging slow pitch bat than I usually hit with any other bat. Call it coincidence? Maybe. But the thing that crossed my mind is how often I long for and try to use other people's stuff instead of celebrating and using my own. I mean, how many times have I wanted 'her job' or 'his intelligence' or 'her creativity'. And really, I'm a masterpiece in my own right. Uniquely made by the Creator of the universe. With my own set of mad skills and talents. As we each are. So I challenge you (and me) today to celebrate yourself and ask God to show you you. How He made you. What He called you to do. What He has gifted and blessed you with already. What's in your bag?

Just What the Doctor Ordered

I'm waiting in a small town gas station for my husband to finish filling up the tank so I can pay. Unfortunately for both of us, he picked the pump that put out a tenth of a gallon a minute - fast enough for a small town filling station I suppose. And so I'm left standing aside the register watching people come and go - buying lottery tickets, gum and the like, making small talk with the sweet woman behind the counter.

Clearly there were regulars and the occasional out of town visitor, like me. But the person who captured my attention was a women who came in wearing a saggy grey sweatsuit and complaining about her sinus headache. She looked appropriately miserable for a person suffering the pounding rhythm of full sinuses and too little sleep. The sweet woman behind the counter rang up the purchases and asked the ailing woman if she wanted a bag. She said, "Goodness no. These are to help kick my sinus headache." And she walked out of the station with her cigarettes in her pocket, a Dr Pepper in one hand and a Reese's Peanut Butter Egg in the other.

And I wondered how many times I've walked around with a 'cure' in my pocket or a food pick-me-up in my hand. And I 'knew better'. But I still didn't 'choose better'. And I still don't always choose better but at least now I'm accounting for the principle that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. It's a good place to start when the chocolate cupcakes are calling my name after a long, hard day.

A Space And Time

On my way to work yesterday, I saw a car resting upside down on the rain-covered side street that leads to the gas station where I usually stop. The police were on the scene and, in fact, it looked like the worst was over. As I straightened my rubber-neck, I was left thinking that somebody had a really, really bad morning. And probably more than just one person - those in the car, their mom, their dad, their kids, their co-workers - the people in their life.

The Day After
Today as I drove by the accident scene it somehow bothered me that it was cleaned up. The car was gone. The incident wiped from the memory of the road. Thousands of people had probably passed by that intersection and had no idea that something terrible happened not 24 hours before. Now maybe other than an upside down car, nothing terrible really did happen. Maybe there was just a temporary scare and moments of gratitude.

How Many Others
Sitting at my desk later in the morning, however, I was reminded of a friend of mine who lost her 20-year-old son not too many years ago to a tragedy. A momentary bad choice. A family forever changed. And since that loss, the days of our lives go marching on without him in it. Yet his family and those of us who knew him, work to keep his memory alive. To celebrate his life while not dwelling on his death. As if that's possible.

Like the driver of the car I saw yesterday will always remember the day of that accident. My friend, and may others like her, remember the days of their losses even when the rest of the world keeps driving on by. I'm reminded that I don't know everyone's days of loss but we all have some. And we'd be wise to treat each other gently, listen warmly and remember to celebrate with each other the joys of the life that we have.